"BEER GOGGLES WEAR OFF….CHLAMYDIA DOES NOT!”

That was on a bus stop I saw driving to Peeps Baby Shower. I don’t know why I thought it was hilarious, and still do.

The baby shower was a BBQ… so sitting around, relaxing, Eek, AliG and I were talking about the homeless dude always by AM/PM by our houses, then we started talking about the different things the signs say … funny that came up because prior to the “Chlamydia” sign I was looking at a homeless guys sign, it simply read, “just hungry.”

I had no food…

I got to thinking… I bet they make decent money. (For an unemployed homeless man). I thought, I should make a sign, it would read something like… “If the homeless can do it, why can’t I?...” Because, I could really use the extra money, and why not? I am doing what I need to do to help myself, but, extra help is always appreciated. I bet I’d make more because there are lots of people who don’t like homeless. I don’t mind… I’ll feed em… kick down a few dollars or a smoke…BUT! There really are those who despise; that is a topic I don’t care to get into right now…either way, the point is, I bet I’d make money because I have a feeling people would want to gimme a dollar because I am NOT homeless.

Then Eek thought it would be a better idea to place a kid in this scenario, Goob happened to be the IE he used... stand my kid ahead of the homeless guy, and have HER hold a sign that says, “I’m cuter.”

Eek doesn not have kids. I’m glad.

Streaking... in the rain

This past Saturday evening, around 9 pm, I happen to be driving Elkhorn towards 80 (Greenback). I just turned off of Don Julio, and before the freeway, Hillsdale intersects at the bottom of an overpass, complete with a light and cross walk. I am center lane, a car on each side of me (odd because it was like “jet formation,” we formed a “V”… I am at the peak of the hill and I look straight ahead at the bottom of the hill, in the crosswalk, I see a guy running from the center median, and stop, center lane. My lane.

At this point, this doesn’t seem so bizarre, but wait, there’s more!
Fact- It was raining.
Fact- He was naked.
Fact- He did not stop to pick up something… he stopped to perform! Oh yea, perform is what he did…

(At this point, I am braking, wondering if the fighter pilots on each side of me see what’s going on as well… they do, and we all take a break from driving to see what this crazy naked rain dancer has prepared)

Naked Guy, does some sauntering, skipping in a circle, and arms above his head, spinning, twirling, Drunk Ballet maybe?… he curtseys, legs crossed, and spins, faces away from us and bows again, BARE ASS to the 3 stopped cars…

Still not weird enough? Ok, there’s more!

After his bow, he bends down again, grips a butt cheek in each hand, spreads them, gives a wink, (ok, I made up the wink part, I don’t actually know if he winked), and began to make his ass “talk,” fluttering his hands back and forth, Ace Ventura style.

At this point, I look to the cars on either side of me. We all have the same, “uh… We should honk but this is kinda entertaining” looks on our faces… Naked Dude makes the next move. He stands up straight, turns and faces his captive audience, takes one more bow, and runs to the right side of the intersection….

Still… There is more!

Naked Dude is not alone. There is Naked Dude #2 AND! Naked Dude #3 at the corner of the crosswalk. They do a little Naked Dude Happy Dance- congratulating Naked Dude 1 on his performance I can only assume… here’s the thing. Naked Dude #3 is in a wheel chair! Naked. This makes me wonder, I can tell Naked Dude’s 1 & 2 were really into this by the obvious displays of enthusiasm…. But I wonder about Naked Dude #3 aka, Naked Wheel Chair Dude. Was he really a willing participant? Did they booze him up, strip him naked, and decide to Joy Ride down Elkhorn/Greenback on Naked Wheelchair Dude’s ride? AND! As I drove away, I was curious…. How many U-Turns would I have to make, in order to see Naked Wheel Chair Dude’s performance?

"If you give a mouse a cookie...."

OBSERVATION: I finally had a few to give my eyebrows a wax.... afterwards, I think to myself... I used to pay to get "Brazilians"... (AKA the "stripper wax")... it's ridiculously expensive and I just couldn’t maintain the schedule/cost, so I switched back to old fashion razor.... Having spent the last year in cosmetology school, I now know the information necessary to perform waxing (*disclaimer* still lack a license, not needed to perform self service), I began to wonder:....

QUESTION- why couldn't I perform a Brazillian on myself?

HYPOTHESIS: Given that I have knowledge of HOW to wax, I BELIEVE, that I am going to be able to wax my…uh… self ....
Here are some things I discovered while attempting, the "at home Brazilian wax"

EXPERIMENTATION:....1- Use of only one arm makes this a nearly impossible mission....
2- Eyebrow sticks are too small, this is going to take forever
3 - The muslin I have, again, is sized for eyebrows... need bigger strips....
4- While I enjoy yoga immensely, I don't know that I have ever achieved the flexibility required to carry out this task....
5- Surprise Observation: there was hardly any pain/discomfort involved... a few reasons as to why come to mind:....
a) Mb I have a better system for ripping out hair from the comfort of their tiny little bulbs
b) I am less of a puss now
c) My old esthetician is really a sadist...........

CONCLUSION: Get bigger muslin and sticks. Stretch. Wait 30 min after eating. Read the Kama Sutra (only for research) to see what forms the human body can actually bend itself to, make flash cards, hang up for inspiration. Clear schedule in order to make necessary, on the fly adjustments to above plan. Get proper equipment- try again!